More about Booking
The order of things:
Contact Form —> Negotiate + Screen —> Deposit —> Booking in the Calendar —> Meeting Info —> Meeting Check-In, Shower, then Play.
What I’m looking for with Booking:
A short negotiation from a rational place (vs. fantasy- games- horny jail behaviour) so I have a base understanding of how you approach consent, where your lines are/ when I should check in with you, and basic details around activities, toys or basic goals. I’ll ask a few follow up questions trying to clarify bits of data related to how I sketch kinky things out in my mind to make sure we are on the same page. I understand the want to get romantic, detailed or into fantasy narratives but please save those for a different time. Knowing you negotiate without clowning or talking about cum goes a long way- the admin stuff is not a place for play.
Your informed consent, your ability to say, and to hear yes + no are big green flags for me to run with using your holes, stapling parts of you to other parts, or peeing in your ears from build up in the latex toilet.
Do not send me: links to stolen femdom porn, long fantasies about fantasy labour ( you doing things for me that I didn’t ask for or want), vanilla sex anything, private details about other providers, griping or complaints about other providers, copy-paste essays, multiple emails in a row
References:
I understand the nerves around asking for references, but it can be so helpful for me to reach out to someone who has played with your body for heavy play, medfet, things that sometimes put people in a state of shock etc. It can be extremely beneficial, if in our conversations we keep missing each other/ our language use is so different we need a bit of a translator, a reference can be AMAZING for that, to be able to give me the words that connect us. They’re also a fantastic asset for screening, once you’ve played with a provider or two, in place of Gov’t issued ID. DO ask that person if they’ll be your reference before name-dropping them.
Introducing yourself/ Negotiating:
I need to know you are willing to try to communicate when it's important. Tell me a few things you like and don't like: being direct helps build trust and understanding so when the time is right, I can push with confidence. You can always change your mind, and don’t need to speak with absolute certainty, but those details help. If you are very new, tell me about things that intrigue you, that you fantasize about, that you’ve seen or even how your first experiences felt. I’ll still check in with you on the day of and see how your body feels.
Be honest about your past experience level
Verbalize at least one limit (saying "no limits" is not helpful/ attractive to me, but I understand the intent in saying so).
Don't skip screening/ negotiation questions hoping I'll forget.
Expect follow up questions - I'm clarifying things that have multiple meanings.
Accept no. If I can offer something close to, but not that exact thing, I will mention it.
One email at a time (save follow up things in a draft if you get really excited!)
Deposits
Deposits have been industry standard for over a decade now- they are requred to secure your time slot with me. Expect that they’ll be required for every booking. They may be required for every booking. There may be extra effort for Americans to line this up with me due to the e-transfer/ cash app divide and my old school ways. Standard is 50% of the total tribute sent electronically; I do not accept cash deposits. They must be sent well in advance of our meeting, and count toward total tribute for the “Experience”. Never put a note in the message of a deposit: leave that area blank. If you are a no show, I'm keeping the deposit. Real emergencies do happen, and are the best reasons for rescheduling with minimal notice- I take those as a case by case situation: I'd rather pivot activities or reschedule than cancel.
A few other things that may result in My cancelling and keeping the deposit or changing my mind + refusing to take one:
abusive or coercive comms after booking with me or any of my colleagues
trauma dumping or writing me long inebriated stories or one-handed button mash emails
sending unsolicited photos of sex acts or body parts
one-liner emails of sexual needs, panic, brattiness or snark in safety negotiations
sharing confidential information about other providers
showing up intoxicated or late, writing me intoxicated spew
threatening myself or other SPs, play or workspaces
Goals/ Expectations
I have my own 'love/hate' relationship with kinky goals. Bodies are unpredictable and our health conditions and sensory input/ abilities change over time. On one hand, I ask my experience sluts to leave room for all of the things around and in between the stunts they'd love to achieve to enrich their sluttiness. Laving space to accept a sidequest has generally not let me down if the vibes call for it, and being overly goal focussed can be like watching paint dry if you can’t be present for the ‘everything else’. The more rigid your view of what 'success' is in a session, the less likely you'll be able to enjoy getting there. That's why I say I don't care that you can take a heavy caning as much as you being immersed in the scene + present.
…That being said, I absolutely work towards goals like assgasms, fisting, suspension goals, full sensory dep, suturing, and all sorts of stunts, but they come with experience and established trust. I always leave space and creativity for needing to pivot when the body is not able to ready. It’s not a failure, just a variation or sidequest.
It is extremely unlikely that anyone will nail 100 percent of the vibes and fantasy you have in your head on a first session (if ever). Words have ranges of meaning, humans have individual boundaries and desires, and other bits of chaos that can't be controlled may arise. Remember, a lot of the hottest play is along the edge of ‘the thing’ more than ‘doing the thing’ which is where we feel the height of our natural chemicals/high af if things are aligned.
First Sessions with Me
Some say I'm disarmingly friendly in person - if you are nervous or a newb, or express anxiety with each email, I will be very gentle with you to try to bring you down from an anxiety buzz. Visiting a dungeon for the first time, a new place, new person, a lot of visible scary-looking gear, a lot of new things, can also be a struggle- I recognize that. Remember, I only play within the things we discuss: I don't push hard boundaries, there's plenty else to play with.
The "What are you going to do to me?" question:
The short is, I really don't know. Bodies are different, word use varies, experience are nuanced and flavoured by our own lenses and narratives. People experience sensations so many ways, and I can't guess just by looking at a person, or chatting it through. To plan sessions I sketch out a few ideas considering transitions, sensations and things I'd like within an arms reach. On the day of, I check-in and veto or add whatever else 'might be interesting'. I'll check in with you more than I would in a regular session, and take more care in making sure your positioning is comfortable-ish, because I'm just meeting your body. No will mean no, and safewords in effect too, until I know you better. Even my biggest experience sluts have days where they can't take 'that intense thing we did that time'. I don't do CNC/noncon on a first meeting for consent reasons, and I need that consent from the most grounded headspace you can offer to me, not the 'zero boundaries fantasy' headspace.
What are the basic rules for conduct?
Respect my personal space and boundaries, don’t touch me without permission.
Respect the playspaces we are in: we are lucky to have them. Don’t roam or snoop in areas where you haven’t been invited to do so.
Speak up for your needs with safeword or without.
Address me as Contessa or whatever we agreed upon, never Mistress.
Be discreet and respect my privacy: don’t show up at my space(s) unannounced, or share details about my space with others etc.
Respect my time + experience
Closeness to me is earned, don’t ask for delusional things like living smelly + dependently like a gremlin in my closet. I post things I need, tasks etc. on my Gifts page .
What should I do to prepare for a session?
Arrive on time, try to avoid rushing on the way so you can arrive more relaxed
Be hydrated! Stretching even a little, making sure you had a decent sleep and making sure you had a light snack before playing can go a long way (similarly- not raging the night before).
Some folks hold off on things like coffee, fast food, masturbating or alcohol for days before playing as they find things more intense that way.
Don't fight the shower on arrival. Scrub, so I can put your body on the leather, and the leather on you etc. I'm allergic to most scents anyway
Consider how to take care of yourself afterward
Anal play: do not use the salts that come with pharmacy enemas, they strip all your natural protective goo, use warm water instead. Remember to give yourself two waiting rounds to make sure things pass. I recommend making sure folks eat right and keep their stress down as a first prep. I joke a lot about gummy bears and broth as being the official foods of anal but I am not asking folks to fast for hours or radically change their diets with no experience, you might end up feeling terrible. That being said, yes, gummies/ jello and bone broth are the official foods of anal sluts.
Chastity/ organ, focus: if the way you play has focus on ‘gases from any part of your body or any kind of traditional sexual touch, a lot of folks benefit from withholding for a few days to intensify riding their edge, or make chastity devices feel more intense. If your body doesn’t focus on that then there’s no need.
How do sessions end?
A period of rest
A shower to rinse off the shenanigans
Hydrating/ a cold soda for a little blood sugar boost
…Things like that. Some folks will feel they are finished/ wrecked/ exhausted before a session time is over. It is totally okay to then lie on the floor by my feet and listen to chill music while I refill your water, or nap on the floor for 10 mins- extended aftercare when you have the time is totally an option. Some folks equate assgasms or traditional assgasms as the way a session end but that is not my default- please communicate to me if it’s yours so I can work with youl.
Read more about aftercare stuffs Here.
When Comms Don’t Align the First Time
There are times when our communication just does not mesh, we can’t get on the same page, when we are both right but still don’t understand each other, and other frustrating blockages.. It’s not unusual, it does happen- where we just can’t get in the same conversation even with the best intent. In those cases I’ll set a waiting period for us to try again from scratch when we aren’t freshly frustrated, usually between 3-6 months, and it often helps.
In cases where things feel tense or I think another provider may be able to understand you moreso and bridge that gap, I may set a longer time frame so you can get more experience/ a fresh reference for screening. Think of it as an opportunity instead of a punishment- I’m not slamming the door, just saying our ‘cup phone string’ isn’t connected (and other metaphors) and a bit of time will help us start fresh.
