More about Booking
More Booking Info:
Booking admin should function like a regular appointment with a dentist or another person making space for you ( make sure you can confirm for sure, focus on booking before heavy details, save the deep fantasy bits for when I ask). The admin parts may not seem exciting for you, but knowing you have one foot in the rational and can negotiate without clowning or talking about cum goes a long way. I know some of you really want to go into detail about how much of an experience slut you are and I love that, but please, admin before getting super freaky.
Order of things:
Contact Form —> Negotiate + Screen —> Deposit + Booking in the Calendar
Helpful Tidbits:
Treat booking like booking any other professional; save the extra details for after admin, send full sentences to the best of your ability
Use my Contact Form to send me as much booking info upfront as possible
Be ready with your ID or reference ( Make sure that provider has consented to be your reference!)
Electronic deposits + screening are mandatory for all first meetings (no cash deposits)
Write on behalf of yourself only (Consent from all involved parties is mandatory, surprises for your partner/ buddy is not an option)
Screening + IDs:
The methods I use to negotiate and screen have changed over the years but as I’ve mentioned above, the most important thing to me is connecting with the most grounded part of you during admin, even if you are wanting me to have “full control” in a Femdom servitude session. What I’m looking for is your informed consent- once I get that I have no problem stapling parts of you to other parts or peeing in your ears from build up in the latex toilet. I never store IDs, they are deleted from the one place I look at them as soon as we've met, and never on my phone. Gov't issued IDs are industry standard- the only other method is a reference from another established kinky provider with website + email.
References:
You must have consent from your reference to use them as one- name dropping is not the same. Ask them first, or perhaps this person has been your reference a few times and you don’t need to ask anymore- I love that for y’all. Not every provider offers references, and many have time cut offs for number of years since playing and I respect all of those boundaries.
I may need a provider reference to verify heavy playing, edge play safety concerns or even follow-through, especially if you are developing a habit of sending introductions but not follow through. I find references very helpful when communication styles are wildly different, to have someone who has played with you help translate where we are missing each other if we can’t seem to get on the same page. Most providers are happy to provide this kind of reference because they really do want you to have the best experience with them or other SPs.
Introducing yourself/ Negotiating:
I need to know you are willing to communicate when it's important: try your best. Tell me a few things you like and don't like: being direct helps build trust and understanding so when the time is right, I can push with confidence. If you are new, tell me about things that intrigue you, or that you fantasize about so I can sketch out a bunch of things for you to trying say yes or no to depending on how your body feels that day.
Be honest about your past experience level
Verbalize at least one limit (saying "no limits" is not helpful but I understand the intent).
Don't skip screening/ negotiation questions hoping I'll forget.
Expect follow up questions - I'm clarifying things that have multiple meanings.
Accept no. If I can offer something close to, but not that exact thing, I will mention it.
One email at a time (save follow up things in a draft if you get really excited!)
Deposits
Deposits have been industry standard for over a decade now- they are requred to secure your time slot with me and at my playspace/ the one I choose. Standard is 50% of the total tribute sent electronically; I do not accept cash deposits. They must be sent well in advance of our meeting, and count toward total tribute for the Session/ experience. Never put any personal or kinky commentary in the message of a deposit: leave that area blank as a standard. Some of my duo partners may require a separate direct deposit sent to them for playing as well- it's rare but don't be surprised. If you are a no show, I'm keeping the deposit. Real emergencies do happen, and are the best reasons for rescheduling with minimal notice- I take those as a case by case situation: I'd rather pivot activities or reschedule than cancel.
A few other things that may result in My cancelling and not refunding a deposit that rarely happen:
abusive or coercive comms after booking with me or any of my colleagues
trauma dumping or writing me long inebriated stories or one-handed button mash emails
sending unsolicited photos of sex acts or body parts
one-liner emails of sexual needs, panic, brattiness or snark in safety negotiations
sharing confidential information about other providers
showing up intoxicated or late, writing me intoxicated spew
threatening myself or other SPs, play or workspaces
Goals/ Expectations
I have my own 'love/hate' relationship with kinky goals. Bodies are unpredictable and our health conditions and sensory input/ abilities change over time. On one hand, I ask my experience sluts to leave room for all of the things around and in between the stunts they'd love to achieve to enrich their sluttiness. In my experience-collecting out of kink, leaving space to accept a sidequest has generally not let me down; when I plan a big hike, I have goals but leave time to appreciate all the little bits of weirdness, forest art and stillness along the way because that's where life happens (and really slutty things too).
I've been doing this a long time, and the more rigid your view of what 'success' is in a session, the less likely you'll be able to enjoy getting there. That's why I say I don't care that you can take a heavy caning as much as you being immersed in the scene. That being said, I absolutely work towards goals like assgasms, fisting, suspension goals, full sensory dep, suturing, and all sorts of stunts, but they come better with experience and established trust. I always leave space and creativity for needing to pivot when the body is not able to ready. It’s not a failure, just a variation.
It is extremely unlikely that anyone will nail 100 percent of the vibes and fantasy you have in your head on a first session (if ever): bring reasonable expectations for a better experience. Words have ranges of meaning, humans have individuals boundaries and desires, and other bits of chaos that can't be controlled may arise. Remember a lot of the hottest play is along the edge of ‘the thing’ more than ‘doing the thing’ which is where we feel the height of our natural chemicals/high af if things are aligned.
First Sessions with Me
Some say I'm disarmingly friendly in person - if you are nervous or a newb, or express anxiety with each email, I will be very gentle with you to try to bring you down from an anxiety buzz. Visiting a dungeon for the first time, a new place, new person, a lot of visible scary-looking gear, a lot of new things, can also be a struggle- I recognize that. Remember, I only play within the things we discuss: I don't push hard boundaries, there's plenty else to play with.
The "What are you going to do to me?" question:
The short is: I really don't know. Bodies are different, word use varies, experience are nuanced and flavoured by our own lenses and narratives. People experience types of intense sensations so many ways, and I can't guess just by looking at a person, or chatting. I literally sketch out a few ideas as I play through images with a faceless body in my head, considering transitions, sensations and things I'd like nearby. On the day of, we check in and I veto or add whatever else 'might be interesting' to my reach (you might change your mind about something). I'll check in with you more than I would in a regular session, and take more care in making sure your positioning is comfortable-ish, because I'm just meeting your body. No will mean no, and safewords in effect too, until I know you better. Even my biggest experience sluts have days where they can't take 'that intense thing we did that time'. I don't do the intense stuff and edge play on a first meeting for consent reasons and I need that consent from the most grounded headspace you can offer to me, not the 'zero boundaries fantasy' headspace.
What are the basic rules for conduct?
Respect my personal space and boundaries, don’t touch me without permission
Respect the playspaces we are in: we are lucky to have them
Speak up for your needs with safeword or without
Address me as Contessa or whatever we agreed upon, never Mistress
Be discreet and respect my privacy: don’t show up at my space unannounced, share details about my space with others etc.
Don’t be an abusive asshat. Respect my time. Don’t write me inebriated and horny in a panic in the middle of the night- and such things
Closeness to me is earned, don’t ask for delusional things like becoming my dependant, living my closet or studio. I post things I need, tasks etc. on my Gifts page and those things get picked up fairly quickly by the experience sluts that already do things for me like that on the regular.
What should I do to prepare for a session?
Arrive on time, try to avoid rushing on the way so you can arrive more relaxed
Be hydrated! Stretching even a little, making sure you had a decent sleep and making sure you had a light snack before playing can go a long way (similarly- not raging the night before).
Some folks hold off on things like coffee, fast food, masturbating or alcohol for days before playing as they find things more intense that way.
Don't fight the shower on arrival. Scrub, so I can put your body on the leather, and the leather on you etc. I'm allergic to most scents anyway
Consider how to take care of yourself afterward
Anal play: do not use the salts that come with pharmacy enemas, they strip all your natural protective goo, use warm water instead. Remember to give yourself two waiting rounds to make sure things pass. I recommend making sure folks eat right and keep their stress down as a first prep. I joke a lot about gummy bears and broth as being the official foods of anal but I am not asking folks to fast for hours or radically change their diets with no experience, you might end up feeling terrible. That being said, yes, gummies/ jello and bone broth are the official foods of anal sluts.
Chastity/ organ, focus: if the way you play has focus on ‘gases from any part of your body or any kind of traditional sexual touch, a lot of folks benefit from withholding for a few days to intensify riding their edge, or make chastity devices feel more intense. If your body doesn’t focus on that then there’s no need.
How do sessions end?
A period of rest
A shower to rinse off the shenanigans
Hydrating/ a cold soda for a little blood sugar boost
Things like that. Some folks will feel they are finished/ wrecked/ exhausted before a session time is over. It is totally okay to then lie on the floor by my feet and listen to chill music while I refill your water, or nap on the floor for 10 mins- extended aftercare when you have the time is totally an option. Some folks equate assgasms or traditional assgasms as the way a session end but that is not my default- please communicate to me if it’s yours so I can work with youl.
Read more about aftercare stuffs Here.
When Comms Don’t Align the First Time
There are times when our communication just does not mesh, we can’t get on the same page, we are both right but still don’t understand each other and other frustrating blockages.. It’s’ not unusual! It does happen- where we just can’t get in the same conversation or things aren’t moving along and I can usually tell when someone is leading with best intent. In those cases I’ll often set down a waiting period for us to try again from scratch when we aren’t freshly frustrated.
In cases where things feel tense or I think another provider may be able to understand you moreso and bridge that gap, then I may set a longer time frame so you can get more experience/ a fresh reference for your experience level or screening. Something between 3 - 6 months is the average, a year has been the max. Think of it as an opportunity instead of a punishment- I’m not slamming the door, just saying our cup phone string isn’t connected (and other metaphors) and a bit of time will help us start fresh.
